Oddvar the Cat

Peake and Oddvar

Old customers may remember Oddvar the Cat

Back when we were on Staten Island, a neighbor asked if we wanted a kitten, He had found two kittens on a job site. One was a cute little thing. The other was a grey can with one bad eye. He gave us the gray cat.

The eye could not be saved, unfortunately. But that did no stop that little gray kitten. We named him Oddvar, as Odin would have been too obvious. And from his first day with us, well, he got into mischief.

Oddvar became part of the Trollwise Press. He liked to climb atop the laser printer and watch the paper load.  The gray cat liked to run around the office, sometimes making a mess. Some days he was like a “little fur man.” And some days he was “Mr. Bad.” There were times he annoyed Freja, our calico. Oddvar learned to avoid provoking Sadie, the senior cat at the time. And he got along well with Smudge, a black cat wit ha penchant for wrecking house plants.

Freja and Oddvar

One day, we brought home a tiger stripe. The young cat had been begging at our apartment complex. We called him Torkatt because the first time we saw hi m was after a wild thunderstorm. Oddvar was thrilled. He and Torkatt played around the apartment. They would ”wrestle” on the living room floor.

When we moved here to our house, Oddvar thought he was in paradise. Rooms and stairs gave him more places to run and play. He outlived Sadie and Smudge, and saw other cats come into the home. He was a happy fellow. And so it was hard for us when he became old an ill. Both Oddvar and Freja were on their “last legs.” He was 14, she was 17. We took them to the vet one last time.

I still miss them.

Though it has been 11 years since he passed, I can still see Oddvar perched on the laser printer, that one glowing eye scanning the room. I can hear that reedy meow. Oddvar was more than the average housecat. He got into everything.

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Oddvar and Torkatt

Torkatt came to use for the Holidays in 1998. The decorations had already been put away. After moving to the house here, he settled in nicely.

That holiday season, Audrey and I set up the tree as usual. And we set up the little HO train and small Yule village I had made. None of the cats had ever disturbed it.

Imagine our surprise the next morning to see our train and village scattered around the room. Torkatt was like a little tornado. So we had to use bigger trains and more substantial buildings ever after.

Oddvar loved to be picked up.

No Time for Losers

Some of the best songs tell a story. Jim Croce and Harry Chapin were masters of storytelling songs. Most groups have at least one or two songs that tel la story. Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues” reminds me of the self-sabotaging people I have seen over the years. It is amazing to see someone throw away every good thing in their lives, only to end up in Nidhogg’s Den (the fate of self-made losers).  That song came up tonight while I was listening to some tunes on Youtube.

Right now, I am in the fight of my life. I have not been this bad since the season before I had surgery in `14.  The doctors are working on it, but the final battle is all mine. Where there is life, there is hope. When I think of those who have sabotaged themselves, I wonder how they could give up on themselves. So here I am, striving against fate, and wondering why people in much better shape just let Life trample them like a bulldozer.

I have seen my own “rat’s eye view of Hell.” Of my old crew, I am one of the last two or three standing. You name it, I’ve faced it these past 60+ years. Poverty, ill health, loss, betrayal... So what? Chances are that you had your ow nrat’s eye view of Hell. There is no giving up. Think of it as being like the papier-mache Japanese Daruma doll. Every time they roll the doll, it always ends upright. There is a lesson to it: “Fall down seven times, rise up eight.”

Makes sense to me.

One of the most pathetic creatures is a former classmate who gave up about 40 years ago. He had all kinds of friends who wanted to help. The man got knocked down by Life and chose to stay down. Every attempt to help him was rebuffed.

The last I saw him in person, he was a park bum waiting for the local tavern to open. That was around 1988. Last I heard about him was in a 2012 article on indigents. There he was, photographed beside his little shanty made of used plywood and pieces of tarpaper. He is my example of those who choose to stay down rather than rise one more time.

When Life knocks you down, rise. Strive against fate. Never give up. You will make yourself a much better fate than if you decided to stay down like a whipped puppy. Life is too precious to waste wallowing in one’s own mistakes.

When Life hits you seven times, rise up eight!

Dens and Hide-outs

A straight man's hideout is called a Man Cave.
A straight woman's hideout is called a She Shed
A gay man's hideout is called a Fruit Stand.
A lesbian woman's hideout is called a Carpet Mill.

The Famous Bowie Knife

(Editor's note: Readers are warned: techniques show here are for illustration only. They can do serious bodily harm. Authors assume no responsibility for consequences of using them. Reads do so entirely at their own risk.)

Classic Bowie

The famed Bowie knife was originally designed by a Louisiana man named Rezin Bowie. His brother, Jim, had been in a dispute with some individuals, so Rezin lent him the knife. Despite being wounded, Jim made short work of his opponents. According to legend, James and an Arkansas smith named James Black altered the design into the knife we know today as a Bowie. On his way to Texas, Jim cut down three adversaries who tried to ambush him. Supposedly, Jim Bowie had been on his sickbed for much of the battle of the Alamo. Nonetheless, he is said to have cut down several Mexican attackers.

Bowie Fighting from 19th Century article

Back in the time of single-shot pistols, men needed a backup weapon. There was no time to reload if a shot missed, or there were multiple attackers. Large knives, many of which were actually short swords, were popular with adventurers and frontiersmen. Among early knives favored were the Green River knives, manufactured in Massachusetts. Another was the Arkansas Toothpick.

The Bowie became the most popular knife because of its practical as well as combative attributes. As an all-around camp knife, it is hard to beat. The Bowie as also an excellent blade for hunters and trappers. For a man on the move on the frontier, every piece of equipment had to justify being carried. Given the choice between a specialized fighting knife and a camp knife, the smart outdoorsman always picked the camp blade. The Bowie could do both equally well.

Modern Bowie

Bowies were also popular during the Civil War.

As firearms improved, blade length became less of an issue. The massive blades of the pre-Civil War era gave way to shorter, more nimble designs. This was also true of Bowie knives, with newer styles having blades of 9" or less. Even at that, it remained a premier field knife and fighter.

During World War I, troops were issued fighting knives more along the lines of traditional European daggers. The trench knives also had tee addition of knuckle guards to use in punching attacks. These knives had only one use - combat. They had little or no camp application. World War II saw two types of blade emerge. One was the Mark III Trench Knife with its straight, thrusting type blade. The others were based on Bowie. Two popular types were ( and still are ) the Army / Air Corps Survival Knife and the Marine “Kabar”. Both have the iconic clip-point.

Army / Air Force Survival Knife

At 5" long and with a thick spine, the Survival knife is strong. It can punch through the skin of an aircraft. The pommel could hammer nails. Holes on its crossguard allow it to be tied to a pole as a survival spear. As camp knife, it was ideal.

The KaBar has a 7" straight blade. It has the look and balance of a Bowie, and serves well as both a combat and a camp knife.

"Kabar" Combat knife

Thanks to Soldier of Fortune magazine. there was a renewed interest in combat knives in late 1970s. The book “Secrets of Modern Knife Fighting” by David Steele stoked interest in custom cutlery. The Randall custom knives of the World War II Era had long been esteemed by soldiers. More makers entered the field. So did reprints of old hand-to-hand combat manuals that showed knife use. “Kill of Get Killed” by Rex Applegate. “Get Tough” (a.k.a. All-in Fighintg by W.E. Fairbain, “Do or Die” by A. J. Drexel-Biddle and “Cold Steel” by John Styers made the rounds again. Of the three, Styers devoted his knife-work to the Bowie. He is shown with the Marine KaBar.

What followed was a spate of so-called combat knives that ranged from the over-simple to the bizarre. Custom knife-makers sprang up offering everything from tiny boot knives to massive, serrated Bowies. They looked cool. Performance-wise, the size and fancy features were wasted. Eventually, reality separated the men from the show-oafs. What remained were the practical Bowie and blades based on other time-tested designs such as the European Seax and Japanese Tanto.

****

Smatchet

How does one fight with a Bowie? For that matter, how does one handle any combat knife? There are two approaches to fighting. Martial arts require years if study because they use specialized techniques, such as footwork, that are not natural. Hand-to-hand systems, such as the military, tend to focus more on natural body movement. There are few strange stances and little complex footwork.

Fairbairn's techniques for smatchet. Same techniques work with large Bowies

The Smatchet was a British weapon similar to the Bowie. It served as a large camp knife, but had combat implications. W.E. Fairbairn gave instruction in using the Smatchet. They require no special skills or fancy footwork. The same would work with a large Bowie, machete, hatchet or a stout club.

More of Fairbairn's techniques for Smatchet.  Also for large Bowie and stick.

John Styers’ method was a more specialized technique. It was easy to teach, easy to learn, and used basic body movement. The right leg and hand were extended slightly forward. On the other hand, the method devised by Rex Applegate and used in Army Manuals from the late 40s to the 80s used a left-leg forward stance, something like a boxer. Applegate favored dagger-shaped blades.

Styers' Stance, right leg forward

Styers stance, side view

Styers' thrust

Readers are warned: techniques show here are for illustration only. They can do serious bodily harm. Authors assume no responsibility for consequences of using them. Reads do so entirely at their own risk.

John Styers' book on knife, bayonet ,stick and unarmed fighting is titled Cold Steel and can be found online (Not to be confused with Hutton;'s work on fencing by the same name.

Fairbairn's books Get Tough and All-in Fighting demonstrate unarmed combat, knife, smatchet (bowie) and stick combat methods. His books can be found on the Net

If you enjoyed this article, check out some of the other articles on this blog.

My Life and Times Revisited

Just finished “My Life and Times” by James Thurber. It’s one of those books that deserves re-reading. The stories are amusing because of quirky, oddball characters creating or reacting to bizarre situations.   Indeed, I have had a slew of quirky characters in my own life. Some of them were part of bizarre and unusual incidents.

Thurber’s characters were comical. Some of those I knew were amusing, though they did not mean to be so. Many of the oddballs were tragic in one way or another. Their quirkiness was part of a morass of bad choices, bad circumstances and bad luck. I look back and thank Wyrd and the Gods that I avoided all that. “But for the goodwill of the Gods....” Sadly, some of those individuals came to bad ends. Yet for the time I knew them, they made life interesting. I wish I could have gotten through to some of them, but there is no helping those who refuse to listen.

The characters in my life today are less quirky and not tragic. That in itself is a blessing. Yet to be fair, the quirky folks from the past provide inspiration for amusing tales of fiction (I am presently putting together some rather amusing science fiction stories.)  The folks in my life today aren’t the kind of characters one might find in stories of nutty people and nutty activities.

Two-Timing Tribulation

(Another example of the fact that before a person can be old and wise, he must be to be young and stupid.)

While in the Army, I had two girlfriends back home who lived at opposite ends of the same town. Since the town was over four miles long, I figured they would never meet. Besides, they were about a year apart in school.

The girls themselves were very different. Tracey was a tall, thick Irish girl. Babs was a short, chubby girl. They had very different backgrounds and personalities. As I saw it, they had little in common.

I told them both that they were the only one for me.

Well, it came to pass that I received angry letters from both of them. They berated me for being a two-timer and cheater. It turned out that not only were they in the same school; they were in the same gym class.

Someone who knew both and had heard them cursing me got the facts for me.

One day in gym class, these two got talking about boyfriends. One mentioned having a boyfriend who was in the Army. The other replied that she also had a boyfriend in the Army.

“What’s your boyfriend’s name?” one asked.

You know damn well the reply was not Nick or Joe or Pete.

“That’s my boyfriend’s name,” said the other.

They took out pictures of their boyfriends to show each other. Yes, it was me. In fact, they both had copies of the same picture.

Obviously, I went from being the love of their lives to the biggest creep on the planet. And they made sure I knew how they felt. Talk about angry letters!

They both would have flipped if they knew I was having a steamy relationship with a woman who lived a couple miles from where I was stationed.

A couple weeks later, I was trading stories with one of the Air Force guys. He was from Texas, where towns are often fifty to over a hundred miles apart. He had been seeing two women who lived far from home. One lived about 100 miles to the West, another about 75 miles to the East. The airman figured they would  never find out about each other. And like I did with my girlfriends, he told each one that she was the only one he loved.

It turns out that there was a big regional game and two teams were in the bid for the championship. These were the teams from the schools of his two girlfriends. And somehow, the two girls got talking to each other after the game. Both mentioned a boyfriend from his town who was in the Air Force. Out came the pictures and...BUSTED.

Caught is caught, whether they live 4 miles or 175 miles apart. Coincidence? Or maybe an outworking of Jung’s Theory of Synchronicity? Who knows. One thing is for sure., When two girlfriends figure out they are sharing the same boyfriend, it has a tendency to make you feel stupid.

If you have found this article amusing, feel free to read the other articles on this blog.

American Legion Fundraiser

American Legion Post 54 is celebrating its Centennial next year. (1919 - 2019) We are one of the oldest posts in the country. Several events are being planned. As a fund raiser, we are selling certificates to get a professional car wash at Freehold Raceway Car Wash in Freehold Township. I have several of these tickets. You get exterior wash, wheels & tires cleaned, interior vacuum, dash dusted, windows inside and out, towel dry. If you are in the Freehold area and would like to support us and get a great car wash, contact me. Tickets are $19 each.

Thanks in advance!

A Norwegian Viking in The Irish Store

 A Walk through a Mickey Market.

We were visiting one of the cute seaside towns and decided to walk the main street. It was a pleasant day. Audrey noticed an Irish gift shop. She wanted to go inside.

Both of Audrey’s parents were born in Norway. She did not know the nuances of Irish things. I was less enthusiastic, seeing as the preferred market are people trying to prove how Irish they are, even if their family has been in the United States since the Potato Famine (1838).

We went in the cute little shop. A couple of skinny little Irish women were behind the counter. Audrey noticed a little statue of a leprechaun that looked like Uncle Patty. This was the start of the journey.

Next, Audrey saw a sign advertising “Irish Fashions.” This piqued her interest. She hurried to the racks with Irish clothes. Irish fashion? If you are of Irish ancestry, think of the frumpy clothes your great aunts wore to indulge in the Hibernian science of Bingo. That’s right: Irish fashion is Old Lady’s Bingo clothes.

Irish Fashion

Then Audrey noticed the various tins of crackers and “cookies.” “These look interesting,” she said.

Yeah, interesting like the old Chinese curse: ‘May you live in interesting times.”

I remember a sunny day when I was about 5 years old, My grandmother had taken my brother and I when she visited our great aunt. Aunt Kathleen was an off-the boat genuine Irish harp-ette. She brought out a platter of crackers for us. Crackers? We knew what those things were.

Before we could refuse, our grandmother said, “Take one and say thank you!”

We were trapped. In Irish culture, it is considered unforgivable to refuse food. Any food. Even those Irish crackers that, when chewed, were like munching on large-sized aquarium gravel.

And here I was, watching my wife look at tins of these jawbreakers. Aaaagh!

Next Audrey looked at the shelves of Waterford Crystal. It used to be made by Irishmen in Ireland. (I heard that nowadays, a lot of it is made in China by Chinamen.) She saw large crystal urns.

“Oh, look at those. Are they vases? They must be made for huge bouquets.”

“No,” I replied. “Those are all whiskey decanters.” I replied. After all, these were made for Irish people, not a bunch of tee-totalers.

Then Audrey’s gaze fixed on a glass model of the Titanic. She has always been fascinated by the whole Titanic story. In fact, she must have seen the movie about 16 times.

“Why would they have a model of the Titanic?” she asked.

“Well, it was an English ship...” I replied.

“So?” she said.

“And it sunk.” Audrey understood, since she knew about the old feuds between the Irish and English.

As we were getting ready to leave, Audrey noticed Claddagh rings behind the one counter. She thought they were romantic.

“How wonderful,” she said. “Are these for married people?” she asked.

“No, they are made to sell to Americans trying to prove how Irish they are.”

So ended Audrey’s first tour through Irish boutique culture.

Note that people from Ireland do not buy that stuff. They think it is hokey crap. The Irish make it to sell to Americans, Canadians, New Zealanders and Australians of Irish ancestry. These people think that having these things makes them more Irish. Like I implied before, how Irish can they be if their families have been living outside of Ireland since 1838? Or in the case of latecomers, since the Civil War?

*******

There was a so-called Irish store in another town and Audrey wanted at look. It had the usual gee-gaws and souvenirs and all. In one corner was a glass-topped counter that had Civil War items. There were odd pieces of brass, cap badges and such.

Audrey was curious as to why an Irish store would sell Civil War relics. I explained that a large number of soldiers on both sides were Irish.

The store did not feel right. The fellow behind the counter got talking to us. He mentioned that he was Polish, not Irish. It turns out that he also did not understand some of the nuances of Irish stuff.

We left and shook our heads. It has to be the screwiest Irish store I ever saw. In a genre of screwy stores, that is saying a lot.

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If you enjoyed this story, please read some of the other articles in this blog.

The Rune Class That Did Not Happen

Where we used to live, the local New Agers were a source of amusement. They were a catty bunch. What they said face-to-face was often very different to what they said behind each other’s backs. The New Age community was actually a bunch of competing cliques. They were superficially cordial to one another, but harbored a rivalry stated in whispers.

Some of the New Agers knew who I was due to my giving a few classes in Norse esoteric practices. Intuitively, they knew I was not one of them. One of our neighbors was part of a New Age clique. Dorothy was an older woman who had a couple of old poodles. On some days of the week, you could see women in their late 20s and early 30s hovering around her apartment entrance. They were emotionally needy types seeking Dorothy’s guidance in order to fill whatever they thought was missing in their lives.

Dorothy told us that she got into the New Age because she began to see things. She said she could see ghosts, aliens and other strange phenomena. My wife ands I doubted her psychic abilities. The old woman was friendly and personable, so we did not make anything of it.

One day, Dorothy asked if I would consider giving a class on the Runes for her group. The coordinator was a chiropractor. She asked me to call him. Back then, giving classes was an easy way to make extra money.

I called the chiropractor. Right away, I had to keep from laughing. He was one of those pretentious people who try to talk as if they are artsy. How they really sound is like the stereotypical caricature of a gay man. Think of Philip Seymour Hoffman’s portrayal of Truman Capote.  I had run into this type before.

The arrangements were made for the class. The way we arranged it, people paid a certain amount. The host and I split the profits. The price we agreed upon for the class was $20.

A couple weeks later, I dropped copies of some of my texts at the New Age shop. While there, I saw a brochure that advertised classes. It had the chiropractor’s name on the cover. For some reason, he had not sent me a copy. I looked to see how my class was listed. It was. And to my dismay, it was listed at $9. That was less than half of the agreed-upon amount.

When I got home, I made a point of calling the chiropractor. He answered in his pretentious artsy voice. I told him there was a problem about the price. He said I had not been definite about the price and he did not expect to pay me what I asked.  When it comes to money, I am always definite and clear. I held my ground.

“Well, I guess we won’t have your class, then,” he said. This was funny. I knew by the tone of his voice that he expected  me to relent and beg to let me give the class. That surprised me only for a moment. Obviously, he did now know with whom he was dealing. After all, if you try to screw the average person out of his cut, he is not going to give you what you want. In that instant, I realized something. Most of the New Agers would have given in because they so wanted to be recognized. They would have begged for the opportunity to give a class.

But I am not a New Ager.

“Okay, then we won’t,” I said. There was no sound for a few seconds. The man was stunned by my reaction. He fully expected me to relent, as if giving a class were a privilege. I laughed and hung up.

That is part of the New Age mentality. These people were so intent on being a somebody that they would do anything for a chance to give a class or otherwise show that they were not just part of the crowd. They reminded me of people who would take a cut in pay just to get a better title.

Needless to say, I did not give the class.

For a couple of months afterward, Dorothy gave us the cold shoulder. She ignored us as if we were not there. Audrey and I laughed about the whole thing.  “She can see aliens and ghosts and spirits, but I guess she can’t see us,” we joked.,

At that point ,we pretty much had our fill of trying to do business with New Agers. Though we only dealt with them for a few months, that was enough!

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If you have enjoyed this story, you may enjoy some of the other articles on this blog.

Peculiar Extremes: Bigots, Encounter Groups and Mate-Swapping Clubs

Names have been changed to protect the guilty

I had a friend named Jack who was into some of the hard Right thinking. He subscribed to several of their periodicals. He was an educated and intelligent man who ran his own business. I had worked for Jack for a while. His penchant for the Rightist stuff seemed paradoxical, as he was usually a cultured and thoughtful fellow.

The Rightist periodicals were rather bizarre. I had looked over some of them. The articles covered a wide variety of subjects from Jew-baiting to racism, international conspiracies and anti-government rants. Interspersed between them were advertisements for laetrile, gold
 speculation and other crackpot investment schemes. Most of the people shown in ads were fat old men in white shirts and ties. Most of these rags were printed in the format of tabloid newspapers.

A small, Readers-digest-sized periodical was American Mercury. This one usually had pictures of the Founding Fathers on the cover, implying patriotism. Inside were the same racist rants, paranoid conspiracy chatter and anti-government diatribes as the other rags.

These rags claimed to support White folks. They were opposed to non-Whites, Jews, non-Christians ( me!), liberals, Democrats, Republicans, Catholics, Gays, junkies and a few others. Some were more extreme than others. Most of it was devoted to spreading hate. The factual content was minimal at best.

Jack really liked that stuff. Yet even he took half of it with a grain of salt.

One Saturday, Jack and I were going to a party at another friend’s yard. He decided to stop at his shop on the way. While there, a person assumed the shop was open and came in. He was a young Black man in a tye-dyed tank top and “Daisy Duke” shorts. Jack was by the front desk.

The man asked Jack if he could do a quick job for him. I could see that he had a typewritten sheet of paper with a few corrections. Jack told him he was closed, but could do it for him. He asked the young man to come back in half an hour. As soon as the man left, Jack smiled and said, “Beer money!”

Jack may have had his racist side, but when it came to business, all customers were treated well.

Jack set to work on the Selectric. This was a simple job that required no paste-up. As he typed, he laughed uproariously. In a few minutes, he withdrew the page, proofed it, and set it down on the desk.

“Look at this,” he said. Keep in mind, this was the 1970s.

I had to laugh, too. The flyer was announcing the formation of “encounter groups” for minority homosexuals. The lingo was typical 1970s jive talk. Terms like “hip”, “groovy” and “out-of-sight” were interspersed with other information.

The man came back. Jack handed him the copy in a folder. The customer was pleased and more  than happy to fork over $20. Both Jack and I were able to keep a straight face. In 1976, $20 would buy plenty of beer.

Of course, he could not wait to tell his cronies about the “Black hippy-dippy tooty-fruity.” For a fellow with Jack’s attitudes toward race and such, this was a treasure too good to keep to himself.

From my viewpoint, Jack’s reaction to the customer was more amusing that the transaction itself. He was a like a school kid who could not wait to tell his friends about the kid who pooped his pants in grammar class.

Before you get politically correct, remember that in the 1970s, people made fun of Gay folks. It was considered acceptable. And “encounter groups” were something of a joke, too. They were a hold-over from the hippy days. Nonetheless, we made beer money and the Black man later became a repeat customer.

****

One of Jack’s accounts was a swinger’s club. They met at different places. Jack did the typesetting for their bulletin, flyers and announcements. He had a thick file on them that included articles, ads and other information. There were excerpts from various porn magazines and other such literature. Jack liked to let his friends ruffle through the file.

In case you did not know, a swinger’s club is one where members have sex with someone other than their spouses. Couples meet and pair off with each other’s spouse. Larger gatherings can best be described as orgies.

The folks running it were a couple in their early forties. The husband was a good -looking man. The wife was an unattractive, flabby chick with a gravelly voice. She looked more like a Skid Row barmaid than someone associated with a sex club.

One day, they needed a flyer for a rush job. The gist of it was: “Anyone who did it with Debbie needs to be checked out by a doctor.” Apparently, Debbie was one of the guests at their gatherings and had the clap. And from what the couple said to Jim, Debbie was very popular that weekend.

Jack worked out of his house the first couple years of his business. His office was the room behind the front room. I was working late to help get a large job finished. Normally I’d be gone before his right wing cronies arrived for their weekly gathering. Jack and I finished up as his friends arrived and sat in the front room.

We were just about finished when who came to the door, but the swinger club couple. They wanted him to do a quick flyer. Jack let them sit in the front room. He figured his friends would be patient and the swingers would wait patiently.

Wrong!

I was just about to leave when the fun started. Apparently, two of Jim’s friends were talking about something “conservative”. The swinger husband jumped into the conversation. He claimed to be conservative and also said he backed Castro in the 50s. Meanwhile, the swinger wife locked eyes on me and said, “How old are you?”

I stated my age. And I instantly regretted it. For all I knew, she was the type who liked younger men. And believe me, she gave the word “unattractive” new dimensions in meaning.

“I have a 29 year old married Swedish woman who would be perfect for you," she said. I caught my breath. I had seen their printed material - in fact, I helped make some of it. I knew the kinds of folks with whom they worked. And making it with a married woman? That is dangerous territory. The brother of one of my former classmates was murdered over a married woman. Trying to preserve my ego, I declined. At least the swinger wife wasn’t talking about me doing her!

Jack sized up the situation and immediately showed the swinger couple into the office. I stayed in the front room in case he needed me to do a rush job. His friends asked me who the couple was.

“They are one of our more unique customers,” I replied.

In a few minutes, Jack ushered them out of his office. We were glad to see them go. I waited to see the couple get in their car and drive off.  Then I left. That was enough weirdness for one day.

Like many such groups in the 1970s, these swingers were poorly organized and careless. They had a lot of screwy incidents, conflicts and other nonsense. You learn a lot when you do someone’s typesetting. More than a few times, we designed “rush job” flyers and notices after some incident or another erupted at one of their gatherings. If I remember correctly, they disbanded before Jack moved into a larger office.

**********

In trades such as typesetting, you have to keep a straight face and take all customers. The only time to refuse a job, other than for technical reasons, is if it is illegal or very offensive. I remember one day we did work for a handful of religious institutions, from a Catholic parish to a gospel choir to the local chapter of a Satanic organization. The goal is to produce an end product that fits the customer’s wishes.

**********

Friends are friends. I do not demand that they agree with all of my principles. By the same token, I expect they do not demand the same of me. Some of my friends have odd beliefs to which I could never subscribe. Still and all, they are friends and will remain so.

I have friends who would not like each other for various reasons. It bothers me, but I cannot force people to change to suit my whims. Jack is an example. He knew that I did not agree with his racial and political beliefs and he respected that. Though I have not heard from him in 30 years - he moved far way - I like to believe some of his views mellowed with age. At heart, Jack was a good man with a generous spirit. Buried beneath that veneer of Rightist philosophy was an intelligent and cultured person. Paradoxes? Yes! But if you look at the folks in my world, who isn’t a paradox of one sort or another?

If you enjoyed this story, please feel free to check out the other articles in this blog.

Of Norsemen, Chinese Pirates and German Gunboats

My father-in-law told me of his father’s adventures as a merchant seaman. Like many young Norwegians, Alf took to the sea once he passed the age of confirmation. (In old Norway, people considered confirmation the age when a child became an adult.). This was age 13 or 14.

In the years before World War I, several Chinese ports were controlled by Western countries. For example, part of Shanghai had been run by several Western nations. Called the International Community, it was policed and governed by the  British commonwealth the United States, Denmark, Italy, France and Germany. The Germans also controlled the ports of Tsingtao, Hangkow and Tianjin

Alf  was on a ship headed for one of the German-controlled ports. They were probably sailing on a square-rigged windjammer. These sailing ships were faster than the steam ships of the time, used no fuel, and hauled bulk cargo. On the way into port, they found themselves being followed by Chinese pirates. The Norwegian ship hastened into port, pursued by the Chinese.

They made it!

Once into port, the incident with the pirates was reported immediately to the port authority. The ship’s captain gave the location of the pirates. Within minutes, a German gunboat left port to hunt down the Chinese sea wolves.

Some time afterward, the German gunboat returned to port. Hanging from its lines and railings were the Chinese pirates. The German Navy (Kriegsmarine) knew how to send a message to others who might try their hand at piracy in those waters.

German Gunboat. Lots of places from which to hang pirates.

**************


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Who is W.E. Fairbairn?

William E. Fairbairn

I have already posted two articles on combat knives, both of which reference W.E. Fairbairn. Who was he and why is he so important to the study of close combat? Fairbairn pretty much started the whole thing.

Fairbairn joined the Royal Marines in 1901 and transferred to the Shanghai Police in 1907.

From the end of the Boxer Rebellion to 1940, part of Shanghai was controlled by an international community of Western powers. They were responsible for policing the International Community. Shanghai was a pretty wild place then. What with the illegal opium trade, organized crime and other disturbances, the police had a tough job. Fairbairn found that out when he was nearly beaten to death in the line of duty.

Fairbairn demonstrates chop in Shanghai manual

Fairbairn took up the study of Asian martial arts, specifically Judo, Jujitsu and Chinese Boxing. He became a formidable fighter. Using his knowledge of police work, Fairbairn set about composing a practical system of police combatives. He called the system Defendu. It worked! Police officers were trained in the system. As many of the police were military units rotated into Shanghai by member states of the Community, Fairbairn’s fighting system spread. He taught the Bengal Lancers and 200 US Marines, among others.

Fairbairn demonsrates a capture and hold

In 1940, the Western powers were leaving Shanghai. The war between Japan and China was spilling over. Fairbairn and his partner, E.A. Sykes, went to Britain. There they trained the Home Guard and the Commandos. Fairbairn devised two weapons for the commandos: the Fairbairn-Sykes Combat knife and a heavy weapon called the Smatchet.

Fairbairn-Sykes Commando Dagger

Fairbairn went to the United States to teach the Army and Office of Strategic Services agents. He teamed with Colonel Rex Applegate to develop an unarmed combat, knife fighting and combat pistol shooting program.

Fairbairn demonstrates the neck chop.

In the 1950s, Fairbairn trained the Cyprus police force and the Singapore Police riot squad. He died in 1960 at age 75.

Many of Fairbairn’s techniques are still taught by armies and police forces around the world. You can see several of his methods in every Army Combatives manual from 1954 to 1992. The knife system was heavily influenced by Fairbairn.

The Smatchet

Thanks to his work with Rex Applegate of the OSS, Fairbairn’s influence spread. Agents from many nations were trained by the OSS, and they brought those lessons home after the war. Applegate contributed to the development of Army combatives. Many of Fairbairn’s lessons were incorporated in Army combatives.

Fairbairn shows Point Shooting with Tommy gun

Fairbairn and E.A. Sykes also developed practical combat pistol shooting as well as use of the shotgun and submachine gun. These methods were also taught to the O.S.S., British S.O.E. and the. Army. Fairbairn's shooting methods influenced the techniques taught in subsequent US Army manuals. His methods had been tested and proven in the deadly streets of Shanghai.

Here are a few of Fairbairn’s hand-to-hand tricks from an article on my hobby blog: http://thortrains.blogspot.com/2015/10/classic-hand-to-hand-combat.html

(The fighting techniques are only shown for informational purposes. They are dangerous and can do serious bodily harm, Use them at your own risk, The author takes no responsibility for the consequences of using them. )

Fairbairn's foot stomp and shin scrape, from 1971 US Army manual

Fairbairn wrote several books:

“Get Tough” was published in 1942. It is a course in hand-to-hand combat, knife righting, stick fighting and disarming.  This stuff works! Simple, practical, effective.

“All-in-Fighting” is identical to Get Tough ,with the addition of a bayonet fighting trick and how to aim the Enfield rifle. This version was written for distribution in Britain.

“Hands Off’ was Fairbairn’s book of self defense for women.

“Scientific Self Defense” was first published in 1931. It contains methods used by the police as well as stick fighting methods..

“Shanghai Municipal Police Self Defense” was written in 1913 and shows several basic defenses and arresting techniques. ( Click here for PDF copy - http://www.thortrains.net/downloads/shanghai-police-sd.pdf )

“Shooting to Live” is Fairbairn’s course on combat pistol craft.

Since Paladin Press, the current publisher of these books has gone out of business, many can be found online in PDF format.

The Ordnance Soldier’s guide is a World War II manual that shows a variety of soldiering skills, A nice overview for the World War II fan. The section on “Commando Combat” is drawn from Fairbairn’s book, “Get Tough!” Download it here: http://www.thortrains.net/milihistriot/ord-soldiers-guide-merged.pdf

Applegate's Kill or Get Killed illustrates several of Fairbairn's unarmed techniques as well as knife combat and combat point shooting. https://ia800308.us.archive.org/25/items/milmanual-fmfrp-12-80-kill-or-get-killed/fmfrp_12-80_kill_or_get_killed.pdf

Here are films of Fairbairn instructing troops:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWSLXXdg9Bw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkvHoOH9I3w

Feel free to check out the other articles on this blog.

Paddy Beaks and Viking Descendants

The Extreme Right is a curious mix, indeed. Here is an example from 40 years ago. A friend who was into it subscribed to a magazine called American Mercury. The cover usually had art of the Founding Fathers and other historical personages. At first glance, I thought it was a history magazine.

One day, while at my friend’s house, I picked up a copy of the magazine and tried to read it. There was an article about a man’s visit to Iceland. The article made sense at first, but then the author started complaining. He complained about all the “Irish noses” on the Icelanders. Of course, the Icelanders did mix with the Irish. That is no surprise. But to read the article was to hear a litany of complaints about “Irish noses” and the implied mixing with the Irish.

I found it hilarious, though the author did not intend to be funny.

Think of it this way. You are in medieval Iceland, and there she is. A pixie-faced Irish harp-ette with those floppy Celtic boobs and pile-driving hips. And she has eyes for you. Are you going to pass her up? Are you going to complain that any offspring might have Irish noses? You already know that like most Irish women, she is probably a pain in the ass, but why let that stand in your way?

Just for laughs, imagine someone with a Scandinavian accent saying:“ I will not mate with an Irish woman because I do not want my children to have Irish noses.”

By the way, some Scandinavian women are a pain in the ass, too.

Yes, it is funny. And it is pathetic. The article was an episode of petty bigotry and stupidity. Then again, most things of that nature are inherently stupid. The one who comes off bad is not the Icelanders with the so-called “Irish noses” (also know as Paddy Beaks), but the moron who wrote the article.

Back then, the Right-wing rags also had ads for Laetrile, investing in gold, and other crackpot schemes. I guess that if you are offended by Irish noses, you may be a sucker for the latest pseudo science and goofball investment scheme.

*******

It is a scientific fact that when it comes to Irish women, the bigger they are, the more pleasant they are. On the other hand, the scrawny little ones with button boobs are constant complainers, perennial grouches and a monumental pain in the ass. I know this from personal experience: growing up around them, and dating some of them.

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Two Rules to Save Money and Avoid Embarassment

The 14 Pound Rule. 

Let’s be as blunt as a Louisville Slugger. When it comes to spending, we are overwhelmed by exhortations to buy. There are many things working to coerce us into buying. Everything from spot ads and coupons to carefully-placed “impulse buy” items are arranged to encourage spending.  And if you buy these things, half the time you regret it later. That is called “buyer’s remorse.” That brief but strong impulse to buy overrode your common sense. It is as if one part of you says, “I do not need this” while another says “I want it and must have it.”

Even things arranged near the cash register are done to invoke spending. It is all carefully arranged to separate you from your money.

Invoke the 14 Pound Rule! The rule is an amusing analogy.

“ Unless it hits you with all the impact of a 14-pound maul on the bridge of your nose, do not buy it.”

That is a silly but powerful statement. Try it the next time you are tempted to buy something that you had not planned to purchase. You will be surprised how many impulse buys you will avoid. Buyer’s remorse will be a thing of the past.


The Three Day Rule

Another rule is the Three Day Rule. If I am offered a product, service or other thing that is very expensive, I give myself three days to consider the transaction. No matter how much they pressure me, offer me a discount or threaten that it will not be available if I don’t buy immediately, I stick to this rule. It has saved me from bad deals.

For instance, I was getting estimates for a job in my yard, Several contractors offered estimates. In order to encourage me to jump on an offer, a contractor might tell me that if I signed immediately, I would get a discount price. I said I’d like to think on it, but he said I had to sign  now or pay more later.

Why? What was the rush? If he really wanted the job, he would be willing to keep the lower price open for a few more days. Naturally, I fell back in the Three-Day rule every time. And you may have guessed that I found a contractor who offered a lower price without demanding I sign immediately. Patience helps!

A friend had a time-share in the Poconos. As the company was promoting sales of time-shares, they made a deal with customers. They could bring friends up for a weekend to enjoy the place. The catch was that on Sunday, they had to attend a sales pitch to sell them a time share.

Sunday came and I went to the sales pitch. Several people were in attendance. There was a film about the place. It made it sound like having the time share opened up  whole new world of travel and vacations. Then they had a little fellow in a “Uncle Floyd” jacket take me to a cubicle where he tried to “seal the deal.” I let him know from the start that I preferred to think things over a few days before committing to a contract. He told me that my time share slot might be gone by then. He said I could make a deal right then and there and still have time to back out in three days.

By the way, they only held these sales pitches on Sundays. Nobody was going to buy “my” share during the following week.

Backing out is not that easy. It takes sending a certified letter and sending a well-worded letter that may or may not arrive in time. Better not to sign at all than get entangled. I stuck to the Three Day Rule, assuring the little fellow that if I decided to buy, I would call him.

Of course, I saw that this time share was like a racket and was pretty sure I would not buy one.

Suddenly, the little man closed his briefcase and got up. He acted as if I had punched him in the nose or deprived him of one of his Constitutional rights. He was about to a walk away rudely. I believe in being polite, even if a transaction does not happen. The little man’s  handshake was like a dead fish. It were as if I did something to intentionally harm him.

Of course, I did not call back.

As for the little man, he was a time-share owner. The folks who owned time shares could get money shaved off their cost by selling time shares to others. That little fellow wanted my money to pay for his time share. He wanted it so badly, it was as if he had his hand in my wallet. In his mind, my money was already his.

  Even if I thought the time share was a good idea, I would have waited three days before signing. The Three Day Rule is a defense against high pressure sales. Think it through for Three Days before you sign, and sign no sooner!

**********

A few years ago, my wife and I were passing a Sleepy’s mattress shop across the parking lot from our local supermarket. We decided to browse and get an idea of the cost of mattresses that we might like.. The salesman descended on us like a hungry hawk. Instead of letting us look around, he was at our side constantly. He never stopped talking. The man guided us from one bunch of mattresses to another. We told him we only wanted to look, but that did not stop him.

At one point he said, “This isn’t high pressure .It’s high practicality.”

My wife and I just rolled our eyes.

Instead of browsing, we were guided to the ones he wanted to show us. That only made us more resistant. Finally, he said, “What can I do to get you to buy a mattress from me today.”

“We only wanted to browse and look at a few mattresses.,” my wife said. “We are not ready to buy right now.”

The man’s face changed from a smile to a frown. Like the little man in the previous story, he acted as if we had done something mean to him. Without another word, he turned his back and walked away from us. My wife was irked by this, but I had seen it before. That man thought for sure he had his hand in my wallet.

Audrey and I did not like the way it felt. We never had a chance to browse because that salesman was so busy trying to tell us what to buy.  Of course, we will never buy from that Sleepys or its new rendition, Mattress Firm. High-pressure sales for a mattress? Then again, the salesman was just like the man at the time-share.

This was one time it did not get to the point where we invoked the Three Day Rule.

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Some Guidelines for Searching Varieties of Spirituality and Religion

People have asked how I could examine and experience so many spiritual things “safely”. They are under the impression that it is dangerous or that doing so might invoke the wrath of a jealous deity or malicious devil. No Gods, God, Spirit, Mind or what ever you call it is going to punish you for asking questions. The only ones who rebuke for asking are people who cannot stand the fact that anyone would challenge their beliefs. People and doctrines might not be able to stand up to the truth. That which is truly spiritual will meet the test of truth every time.

One thing you need is the ability to keep a straight face. You have to be able to hear and see things that seem outrageous without appearing outraged, curious, upset, disgusted, etc.

You have to be skeptical. Do not take everything at face value. Weight the validity of what you hear and see. Listen to your doubts. Doubt is a good thing. It keeps your assessment of things honest.

Do not be awed by people or titles. Many who follow a path or school will extol those they consider gifted leaders or teachers. Do not let their awe affect you. Remain cool. More than one magnificent guru has turned out to be just another schlub with a fancy robe and bizarre rhetoric..

The facts are not just in what you hear, but what you do not hear. Likewise, they are what you see and what you do not see. In other words, what aren’t they saying or doing? What is missing here? All too often, the catch is not what they tell you, but that which they do not disclose.

In the participation in religious or mystical activities, never harm another person in any way. Never harm an animal. If you see or hear of people being harmed, LEAVE. You would do well to consider notifying the authorities. (There are religions like Voodoo and Santeria that still practice animal sacrifice. Opinions on it vary. While I disagree with that practice, I would advise that persons involved in those paths have no business harming animals unless they have achieved a high degree of initiation. That takes many years to attain. Again, I disagree with animal sacrifice.)

Never agree to sex with anyone you do not want to sleep with. There are leaders and teachers who insist that sex is part of the initiation or rites. Ask yourself this: if magick, faith or spirituality were not involved, would you want to have sex with this person? Had you met this person at a club, dance or barbecue ,would you be willing to sleep with him or her?  There are seedy teachers and leaders who use religion to get sex from people who would otherwise never have a thing to do with them.

Never agree to anything criminal.

Never allow yourself to be tattooed, branded or otherwise marked by a teacher, leader or group.

If a school or teacher tells you to shun friends and family, leave immediately. Any valid tradition will abide and may even enhance relationships with loved ones. The only reason a path would shun family is to isolate you and thus make it easier to control and indoctrinate you.

Note what the teaching or path says in writing, such as its scriptures, creed or code of morality. Pay attention to what it actually does. And watch the people who adhere to it. Do their actions and conversation meet up with the teaching? Are they just doing the same old things but explaining them with a new religious lexicon? Would you like any of these people as friends if you met them in an another context?

If you visit a meeting or seminar, do they try to limit questions? If you talk with someone else in the room, do the folks running the event try to get in the way?  If so, leave immediately.  (One trick they use when people start conversing is to place one of their members between them. Some cults do it. I have also seen it done by scammers.)

Before you begin your search, be firm in your own sense of right and wrong. Like it or not, but morality is essential. I am not talking the straight-laced and narrow minded prudery of conventional religion, but your own individual sense of right and wrong. That includes things like honesty, fairness, commitment, sex, finances, etc.

Ask yourself: what will you do, and what won’t you do. How far will you go?

For example let’s look at sex. With whom will you have it, and with whom will you not? What things will you do and what things will you never do?  Would you do some things in a long-term relationship that you will not do in a casual fling or one-night stand? There is no judgement here. The only one who needs to hear your answers is you.

What of alcohol and drugs? How much is too much? In what circumstances will you drink and which will you not?  Which drugs, if any, are acceptable to you and which are not?

How much is a fair price for lessons or a seminar? When is the price too high? Guard your finances. That also means guarding your financial situation. Never let on how much you have, financially or otherwise. Never sign away your money, property or rights.

These are just some of the issues on which you must be clear with yourself. Being secure in your own behavior insofar as sex, money and esteem is important. You have to know when to say “NO.” This goes a long way to allowing you to safely and happily pursue esoteric matters.

If someone tells you how they wronged or otherwise wronged another person, pay heed. Do not think they are confiding in you. They are not trusting you with a great secret. They are just talking. Whatever these types say they did to someone else, they will just as easily do to you if the situation arises. Take that as a warning!

Know when it is time to GO. At that time, walk away. Run if necessary.

No knowledge is wasted. I have experienced various forms of conventional and unconventional religion, spirituality and mysticism. Almost without exception, I have taken something useful from each. My experience has been that every religion and spiritual path has something to offer. By the same token, every one also has its shortcomings, some more than others.

In every path, there are good teachers and bad ones and everything in between. I will use an example from a conventional religion:

A Catholic church in a medium-sized city had a large congregation and several priests. One was a younger priest who was something of a character. He was very outspoken. The people liked him and he enjoyed working with them. The pastor was an elderly man with a kind disposition. He was also firm in church matters. Another priest was a very severe man. He was very strict and very impatient with lay people. Most folks shied away from him.

Each week, the church held its rite of Confession. There were three booths called confessionals. People would be lined up at the confessionals of the young priest and the elderly pastor. Very few came to the severe priest. 

There it was: One church, one denomination, one congregation.  There were a young and rather brash but likeable priest, a wise elderly priest and a middle-aged and impatient grumpy priest. 

Another example comes from the time I was studying metaphysics. The organization’s chapter that I attended had several practitioners. A few were ordained minsters, as well. One teacher was a very warm and pragmatic woman. Another was a chubby, good natured  fellow. The leader was a man who seemed very aloof. It was hard to warm up to him. I had attended lectures by all three. Same teaching, same chapter, but three very different approaches. One was practical and laced with humorous anecdotes. The other was less practical and more inspirational. The leader’s was packed with information, but lacked feeling.

Teachers and leaders vary. All the examples I used were of essentially decent people.  Be warned that there are also charlatans, hucksters, manipulators and exploiters out there. Just because things are done within the context of spirituality does not mean they are all benign. I have heard it said, “Church is the final refuge of scoundrels.”

Indeed, more than one policeman has told me stories of low-life criminals and ne’er-do-wells with the humorous punch line, “But they go to church!”

For some folks, religion is just a cover for nefarious deeds.

Never let anyone pressure you into something you do not want to do.

Note if the people following a school or path have unusual personality traits. Are they uncharacteristically giddy, mean or judgmental?  I am not talking about one or two individuals, but the following as a whole. Mindsets are contagious. If being in that path makes a lot of quirky folks with dislikeable traits, leave lest you become one of them.

There may be instances where you have followed a tradition, but find that it no longer suits you.  When you move on, do so peaceably. Unless the reason for leaving is some offense or affront, do not burn bridges. Leave cordially. The people you met there will still be your friends., It is not their fault that tradition or school no longer suits you. You will always be welcome back to visit.

The right tradition, school or path should fit you like the most comfortable garment. It is not tight, nor too loose. It feels just right. One analogy is a glove that fights comfortably but does not restrict movement. Not too big or too small, too tight or too loose.

You will find that spiritual growth is more a process of losing than gaining. You will lose burdens and tired, outworn concepts that have impeded you. There will be a dropping of that which is wrong and useless. Complexity falls by the wayside. Things will be simplified. You will know a freedom you never knew before.

Many things may change as you continue your pursuit of spirituality. Your outlook, your priorities, even aspects of your morality might experience some change.  However, through it all, you are still...YOU! Your core personality, including relationships and morality remain pretty much the same. Aspects may alter, but you never lose yourself.

Map your way.  Start with a general idea of where you wish to go. Set limits. As you begin the journey, you will make changes. You may find yourself very far from where you started.

If you have enjoyed this article, please take a look at the other articles on this blog. Thank you!