One thing you need is the ability to keep a straight face. You have to be able to hear and see things that seem outrageous without appearing outraged, curious, upset, disgusted, etc.
You have to be skeptical. Do not take everything at face value. Weight the validity of what you hear and see. Listen to your doubts. Doubt is a good thing. It keeps your assessment of things honest.
Do not be awed by people or titles. Many who follow a path or school will extol those they consider gifted leaders or teachers. Do not let their awe affect you. Remain cool. More than one magnificent guru has turned out to be just another schlub with a fancy robe and bizarre rhetoric..
The facts are not just in what you hear, but what you do not hear. Likewise, they are what you see and what you do not see. In other words, what aren’t they saying or doing? What is missing here? All too often, the catch is not what they tell you, but that which they do not disclose.
In the participation in religious or mystical activities, never harm another person in any way. Never harm an animal. If you see or hear of people being harmed, LEAVE. You would do well to consider notifying the authorities. (There are religions like Voodoo and Santeria that still practice animal sacrifice. Opinions on it vary. While I disagree with that practice, I would advise that persons involved in those paths have no business harming animals unless they have achieved a high degree of initiation. That takes many years to attain. Again, I disagree with animal sacrifice.)
Never agree to sex with anyone you do not want to sleep with. There are leaders and teachers who insist that sex is part of the initiation or rites. Ask yourself this: if magick, faith or spirituality were not involved, would you want to have sex with this person? Had you met this person at a club, dance or barbecue ,would you be willing to sleep with him or her? There are seedy teachers and leaders who use religion to get sex from people who would otherwise never have a thing to do with them.
Never agree to anything criminal.
Never allow yourself to be tattooed, branded or otherwise marked by a teacher, leader or group.
If a school or teacher tells you to shun friends and family, leave immediately. Any valid tradition will abide and may even enhance relationships with loved ones. The only reason a path would shun family is to isolate you and thus make it easier to control and indoctrinate you.
Note what the teaching or path says in writing, such as its scriptures, creed or code of morality. Pay attention to what it actually does. And watch the people who adhere to it. Do their actions and conversation meet up with the teaching? Are they just doing the same old things but explaining them with a new religious lexicon? Would you like any of these people as friends if you met them in an another context?
If you visit a meeting or seminar, do they try to limit questions? If you talk with someone else in the room, do the folks running the event try to get in the way? If so, leave immediately. (One trick they use when people start conversing is to place one of their members between them. Some cults do it. I have also seen it done by scammers.)
Before you begin your search, be firm in your own sense of right and wrong. Like it or not, but morality is essential. I am not talking the straight-laced and narrow minded prudery of conventional religion, but your own individual sense of right and wrong. That includes things like honesty, fairness, commitment, sex, finances, etc.
Ask yourself: what will you do, and what won’t you do. How far will you go?
For example let’s look at sex. With whom will you have it, and with whom will you not? What things will you do and what things will you never do? Would you do some things in a long-term relationship that you will not do in a casual fling or one-night stand? There is no judgement here. The only one who needs to hear your answers is you.
What of alcohol and drugs? How much is too much? In what circumstances will you drink and which will you not? Which drugs, if any, are acceptable to you and which are not?
How much is a fair price for lessons or a seminar? When is the price too high? Guard your finances. That also means guarding your financial situation. Never let on how much you have, financially or otherwise. Never sign away your money, property or rights.
These are just some of the issues on which you must be clear with yourself. Being secure in your own behavior insofar as sex, money and esteem is important. You have to know when to say “NO.” This goes a long way to allowing you to safely and happily pursue esoteric matters.
If someone tells you how they wronged or otherwise wronged another person, pay heed. Do not think they are confiding in you. They are not trusting you with a great secret. They are just talking. Whatever these types say they did to someone else, they will just as easily do to you if the situation arises. Take that as a warning!
Know when it is time to GO. At that time, walk away. Run if necessary.
No knowledge is wasted. I have experienced various forms of conventional and unconventional religion, spirituality and mysticism. Almost without exception, I have taken something useful from each. My experience has been that every religion and spiritual path has something to offer. By the same token, every one also has its shortcomings, some more than others.
In every path, there are good teachers and bad ones and everything in between. I will use an example from a conventional religion:
A Catholic church in a medium-sized city had a large congregation and several priests. One was a younger priest who was something of a character. He was very outspoken. The people liked him and he enjoyed working with them. The pastor was an elderly man with a kind disposition. He was also firm in church matters. Another priest was a very severe man. He was very strict and very impatient with lay people. Most folks shied away from him.
Each week, the church held its rite of Confession. There were three booths called confessionals. People would be lined up at the confessionals of the young priest and the elderly pastor. Very few came to the severe priest.
There it was: One church, one denomination, one congregation. There were a young and rather brash but likeable priest, a wise elderly priest and a middle-aged and impatient grumpy priest.
Another example comes from the time I was studying metaphysics. The organization’s chapter that I attended had several practitioners. A few were ordained minsters, as well. One teacher was a very warm and pragmatic woman. Another was a chubby, good natured fellow. The leader was a man who seemed very aloof. It was hard to warm up to him. I had attended lectures by all three. Same teaching, same chapter, but three very different approaches. One was practical and laced with humorous anecdotes. The other was less practical and more inspirational. The leader’s was packed with information, but lacked feeling.
Teachers and leaders vary. All the examples I used were of essentially decent people. Be warned that there are also charlatans, hucksters, manipulators and exploiters out there. Just because things are done within the context of spirituality does not mean they are all benign. I have heard it said, “Church is the final refuge of scoundrels.”
Indeed, more than one policeman has told me stories of low-life criminals and ne’er-do-wells with the humorous punch line, “But they go to church!”
For some folks, religion is just a cover for nefarious deeds.
Never let anyone pressure you into something you do not want to do.
Note if the people following a school or path have unusual personality traits. Are they uncharacteristically giddy, mean or judgmental? I am not talking about one or two individuals, but the following as a whole. Mindsets are contagious. If being in that path makes a lot of quirky folks with dislikeable traits, leave lest you become one of them.
There may be instances where you have followed a tradition, but find that it no longer suits you. When you move on, do so peaceably. Unless the reason for leaving is some offense or affront, do not burn bridges. Leave cordially. The people you met there will still be your friends., It is not their fault that tradition or school no longer suits you. You will always be welcome back to visit.
The right tradition, school or path should fit you like the most comfortable garment. It is not tight, nor too loose. It feels just right. One analogy is a glove that fights comfortably but does not restrict movement. Not too big or too small, too tight or too loose.
You will find that spiritual growth is more a process of losing than gaining. You will lose burdens and tired, outworn concepts that have impeded you. There will be a dropping of that which is wrong and useless. Complexity falls by the wayside. Things will be simplified. You will know a freedom you never knew before.
Many things may change as you continue your pursuit of spirituality. Your outlook, your priorities, even aspects of your morality might experience some change. However, through it all, you are still...YOU! Your core personality, including relationships and morality remain pretty much the same. Aspects may alter, but you never lose yourself.
Map your way. Start with a general idea of where you wish to go. Set limits. As you begin the journey, you will make changes. You may find yourself very far from where you started.
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