Cold War Polish humor

A Polish Joke (Cold War style)

These are jokes the Polaks told about Communists

There were two friends, Janosh and Ivan. Janosh was a typical good-natured Polish fellow. Ivan was a Russian and a member of the Communist party.  He wore his party badge proudly.

One day Ivan prevailed on his friend to take him fishing. Janosh reluctantly agreed. So itwas that he took Ivan out in a rowboat to fish.

The two men rowed to a likely spot and started fishing. Janosh hit almost instantly. Ivan had no luck.  An hour passed. Janosh had bet doing well, but Ivan did not have a single hit.

The man agreed to switch positions in the boat and started fishing again. Janosh’s good luck continued. Ivan did not get a single hit. Ivan asked Janosh to try another spot. So they rowed from one spot to the next, but it was always hte same story. Janosh did well, but Ivan hooked nothing. Next they decided to exchange fishing poles, but Ivan’s luck did not improve. They tried using other bait, but with no change. Janosh was lucky and Ivan skunked.

Finally, the boat was full of Janosh’s fish. Frustrated, Ivan asked in his thick Russian accent:’ "Why is, comrade, you catch all the fish and I catch none?”

Janosh reluctantly replied, “Even the fish know to keep their mouths shut when they see that party badge.”

This is the kind of joke they told in Poland about Communists. 

Another Cold War Polish Joke

These are jokes the Polaks told about Communists

Jaruzelski, the premier of Poland, was visiting the Brezhnev in the Kremlin. His Soviet host was feeling magnanimous.  “Anything you see that you want, I give you,” said Brezhnev.

Jaruzelski looked out the window. He was an amazing cow. This was no ordinary bovine. The Polish premier could see that it was special. “That is a wonderful cow. Imagine how it could improve the breeding stock in my country.”

“I want that cow,” the Pole said. Brezhnev smiled and agreed.

“Of course, comrade, of course! But cow is very special. You cannot drive her to Poland. This special cow has to be walked.”

So it was that Jaruzelski arranged for a group of his people to walk the cow back to Poland.
All went well until the cow got to the border. It had its front feet in Poland, its back feet in the Soviet Unions, and it froze. it refused to budge an inch. No amount of poking, prodding or cajolery would encourage the animal walk forward.

The men tried pulling it. They tried pushing it. They even used a winch, but to no avail. frustrated, Jaruzelski called the Kremlin.

“Comrade Brezhnev, the cow will not move and nothing will move her. She is here, her front feet in Poland and her back legs in the Soviet Union. What should we do?”

“We do what we always do,” Brezhnev replied, “You feed it, we milk it.”

This joke is a Cold War commentary on the relationship between the Soviet Union and its Warsaw-Pact neighbors. I heard these jokes for a Polish fellow back in the early 80s. Most of the Eastern Bloc nations had their own jokes about the Soviets and Communism. The Poles, Czechs and others had to live with Communist regimes and Soviet influence. 

The Amazing M47

M47 Medium Tank

By 1943, it was evident that tank design had to change. The Tank Destroyer Board tried to thwart the development of heavy tanks and tanks with bigger guns, The Board was trying to maintain its position, even though the facts showed that it was doomed. Indeed, Sherman tanks were upgunned with the 76mm high-velocity gun, and tank destroyers received the 90mm gun. A heavy tank was procured. The Pershing tank had over 4 inches of armor and a 90mm gun. That was equal to the biggest tanks the Germans were fielding. Appearing late in the war, the Pershing did its job.

The Pershing was a welcome addition, but it soon was evident that it could be better. The engine was underpowered and a better gun and sighting system were needed. The beginning of Cold War tensions meant an immediate fix. The Pershing Heavy Tank, with an improved turret, electrical system and power plant became the M46 Patton. These tanks performed well duign the Korean conflict.

M47

Tank designers realized that we needed a tank to take on the Reds. Until the best tank could be designed and produced, the US required a tank to fill the gap. The result was the M47. Using a variant of the M46 chassis and a new turret, the M47 sported a 90mm gun, improved optics and a better power plant.  From the front, its turret was a narrow target. From the side it was long. A bustle was added to accommodate and counterbalance the 90mm gun as well as provide more stowage. 

The M47 went right into production. Meanwhile, the M46 was performing well in Korea. There were plenty of them and they proved superior to the late model T34s of the enemy. Most of the M47s were sent to Europe. By the time production ceased, some 10,000 were built.

U.S. Soldiers examine M47 

The M46s were slowly retired or were refitted for other duties, such as tank recovery. A few went to allied armies such as Belgium. M47s took their place in the US arsenal. It was not long after that the first marks of the newer, better tank were ready for production. The M48 Patton was designated in 1952. It featured even better armor, better sighting, an improved gun and power plant. The M47s was replaced. Many were sold to allies. Some went to the National Guard. A few went into storage.

Italy, France, West Germany, Austria, and Spain were among European armies who bought the M47. Iran was a major buyer. Jordan and Pakistan also acquired M47s. South Korea was the major Asian buyer. In the 1950s, President Eisenhower gave over 300 to Yugoslavia to forestall the threat of a Soviet invasion.

M47s appeared in several conflicts. They were used by Jordan during the 6-Day Arab-Israeli War. Pakistan fielded them in several conflicts with India. Iran used them in the Iran - Iraq War. A few M47s were used by Somalia. One Somali tank was captured by the US.  M47s’ last major use was in the 1990s during the Croatian and Bosnian conflicts.

As of this writing, Spain maintains about 20 M47s which are used as tank recovery vehicles. Iran has 170 upgraded M47s. There may be a few individual pieces still operational in smaller armies.

The M47 has an operational history stemming from 1950 to 2018. That is a 68 year service history. And while it may not have been a stellar performer in all of its battles, it held the line. A review of its use shows that the tank performed well. Any problems with the M47 were not due to the vehicle, but the tactics and strategy of the commanders.

You may have seen the M47 in older movies. It was prohibitively expensive to make mock-ups of tanks and very few original World war II tanks were operational. The few that still an was not always accessible. Movie makers substituted other tanks, often “renting” them from an army.  Movies like “Patton” and “The Battle of the Bulge” rented the Spanish Army’s Pattons for use as Tiger tanks. If you look, you can see M47s painted to look like Panzers.

The most famous M47 driver is Arnold Schwarzenegger. He drove an M7 while in the Austrian Army.

The Patton Series of Tank has a history of longevity. The M48 has been upgraded many times. The A5 variant had its armor enhanced as well as being upgunned to a 105 mm weapon comparable to the M60. Several forces still use the upgraded M48s. The first M48s rolled off the assembly line in 1952, giving it a service history of 66 years.

M48 in Vietnam

The M60 series is still in use and has been upgraded several times. The few remaining in US service are mainly test vehicles and armored bridge layers. It is still in front-line service in several countries. Being first issued in December 1960, that gives the M60 a 58 year service history.

M60a1 during Cold War