Two-Timing Tribulation

(Another example of the fact that before a person can be old and wise, he must be to be young and stupid.)

While in the Army, I had two girlfriends back home who lived at opposite ends of the same town. Since the town was over four miles long, I figured they would never meet. Besides, they were about a year apart in school.

The girls themselves were very different. Tracey was a tall, thick Irish girl. Babs was a short, chubby girl. They had very different backgrounds and personalities. As I saw it, they had little in common.

I told them both that they were the only one for me.

Well, it came to pass that I received angry letters from both of them. They berated me for being a two-timer and cheater. It turned out that not only were they in the same school; they were in the same gym class.

Someone who knew both and had heard them cursing me got the facts for me.

One day in gym class, these two got talking about boyfriends. One mentioned having a boyfriend who was in the Army. The other replied that she also had a boyfriend in the Army.

“What’s your boyfriend’s name?” one asked.

You know damn well the reply was not Nick or Joe or Pete.

“That’s my boyfriend’s name,” said the other.

They took out pictures of their boyfriends to show each other. Yes, it was me. In fact, they both had copies of the same picture.

Obviously, I went from being the love of their lives to the biggest creep on the planet. And they made sure I knew how they felt. Talk about angry letters!

They both would have flipped if they knew I was having a steamy relationship with a woman who lived a couple miles from where I was stationed.

A couple weeks later, I was trading stories with one of the Air Force guys. He was from Texas, where towns are often fifty to over a hundred miles apart. He had been seeing two women who lived far from home. One lived about 100 miles to the West, another about 75 miles to the East. The airman figured they would  never find out about each other. And like I did with my girlfriends, he told each one that she was the only one he loved.

It turns out that there was a big regional game and two teams were in the bid for the championship. These were the teams from the schools of his two girlfriends. And somehow, the two girls got talking to each other after the game. Both mentioned a boyfriend from his town who was in the Air Force. Out came the pictures and...BUSTED.

Caught is caught, whether they live 4 miles or 175 miles apart. Coincidence? Or maybe an outworking of Jung’s Theory of Synchronicity? Who knows. One thing is for sure., When two girlfriends figure out they are sharing the same boyfriend, it has a tendency to make you feel stupid.

If you have found this article amusing, feel free to read the other articles on this blog.