Cold War Polish humor

A Polish Joke (Cold War style)

These are jokes the Polaks told about Communists

There were two friends, Janosh and Ivan. Janosh was a typical good-natured Polish fellow. Ivan was a Russian and a member of the Communist party.  He wore his party badge proudly.

One day Ivan prevailed on his friend to take him fishing. Janosh reluctantly agreed. So itwas that he took Ivan out in a rowboat to fish.

The two men rowed to a likely spot and started fishing. Janosh hit almost instantly. Ivan had no luck.  An hour passed. Janosh had bet doing well, but Ivan did not have a single hit.

The man agreed to switch positions in the boat and started fishing again. Janosh’s good luck continued. Ivan did not get a single hit. Ivan asked Janosh to try another spot. So they rowed from one spot to the next, but it was always hte same story. Janosh did well, but Ivan hooked nothing. Next they decided to exchange fishing poles, but Ivan’s luck did not improve. They tried using other bait, but with no change. Janosh was lucky and Ivan skunked.

Finally, the boat was full of Janosh’s fish. Frustrated, Ivan asked in his thick Russian accent:’ "Why is, comrade, you catch all the fish and I catch none?”

Janosh reluctantly replied, “Even the fish know to keep their mouths shut when they see that party badge.”

This is the kind of joke they told in Poland about Communists. 

Another Cold War Polish Joke

These are jokes the Polaks told about Communists

Jaruzelski, the premier of Poland, was visiting the Brezhnev in the Kremlin. His Soviet host was feeling magnanimous.  “Anything you see that you want, I give you,” said Brezhnev.

Jaruzelski looked out the window. He was an amazing cow. This was no ordinary bovine. The Polish premier could see that it was special. “That is a wonderful cow. Imagine how it could improve the breeding stock in my country.”

“I want that cow,” the Pole said. Brezhnev smiled and agreed.

“Of course, comrade, of course! But cow is very special. You cannot drive her to Poland. This special cow has to be walked.”

So it was that Jaruzelski arranged for a group of his people to walk the cow back to Poland.
All went well until the cow got to the border. It had its front feet in Poland, its back feet in the Soviet Unions, and it froze. it refused to budge an inch. No amount of poking, prodding or cajolery would encourage the animal walk forward.

The men tried pulling it. They tried pushing it. They even used a winch, but to no avail. frustrated, Jaruzelski called the Kremlin.

“Comrade Brezhnev, the cow will not move and nothing will move her. She is here, her front feet in Poland and her back legs in the Soviet Union. What should we do?”

“We do what we always do,” Brezhnev replied, “You feed it, we milk it.”

This joke is a Cold War commentary on the relationship between the Soviet Union and its Warsaw-Pact neighbors. I heard these jokes for a Polish fellow back in the early 80s. Most of the Eastern Bloc nations had their own jokes about the Soviets and Communism. The Poles, Czechs and others had to live with Communist regimes and Soviet influence.